I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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