hotel room ftw
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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