Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
