am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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