I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
