i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
