My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
