so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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