I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
