i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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