Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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