I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
