I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
