if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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