sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
