My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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