so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
