Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
