i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Mom said you looked used
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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