In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
