its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize