You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
