u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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