If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
