im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
