I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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