FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
