??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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