just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
