Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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