my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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