I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
