stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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