Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
