In the future we'll all be gay
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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