White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
