dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
