mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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