i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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