shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
