i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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