Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
