Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
