I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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