That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
