Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
