What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
