What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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