I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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