I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
