But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
