Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
