There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize