Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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