i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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