This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
