Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
