I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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