I just saw a hot homeless man
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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