I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
