I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I AM VODKA MAN
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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