All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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