somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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