Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
