On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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