no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
