Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
