Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
