I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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