happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
